May 7, 2007

  • changes

    everything is changing.

    i hope that this time around..things will be more permanent.
    everything from happiness, career, hobbies and interest pursuing and most of all friendships.
    as i get older, i see the need for complicated melodramas being unnecessary. drama is drama. what is past is past. small things should be small things.
    i'd really like to have a core group to count on - i have a handful of solid friends who i know will always be in my life and mine in theirs. we'll just be this way because our friendships have been tested and proven...not time or space shatters the fact that we can always call on each other or that we'll be a part of each others lives.  i also have various acquaintances, who i may not be very close to, but know are cool people.

    what's missing but hard to truly build upon is a solidarity - a group to trust, lean on, hang out with and always be for each other what everything else in life lacks.

    there's this promise of friendship lately...which i hope will prove to be sure, it would be nice to have a base where everyone cares and knows your name and will no doubt be there for you for a change.

    actually i hope that we'll all be here for each other, years down the road...that future is yet to be seen but that would be nice
    for a change with everyone in my life i am grateful.

    sometimes i wonder, if its worth letting anyone in.
    usually, historically ive kept a safe distance.  that way there's no room for hurt.
    caution to the wind has left me lonely though...and i discovered that its not good to have a bunch of meaningful or meaningless but unsteady friendships...there's a certain grace to having a solid net to fall on.  stable and steady, always ready.
    so these days i'm taking baby steps and hoping that true friendships will form steadily and with time - trust takes a while
    the true test is if ppl can be counted on when u r out and when things might not be fair weathered. if ppl will be real with you back.

    i wear all my intentions and heart on my sleeve.  one sleeve for each i suppose.
    and i always hope for the best. everyone gets a chance..a benefit of the doubt.
    in my life, i've kind of just gone about the way it is...tina is tina.
    happy is happy. sad is sad. just trying to be here for everyone...people pleaser who is beginning to discover the world and how to make me happy too.what u see is what u get. unless i'm trying to be cheerful to avoid having people be sad. i'm so shitty at subtext and motives...what is say and do is what i mean and do...

    lately.i feel very blessed to have found some people who i've enjoyed the company and frienship of...of having fun with...it's going to be great to just spend time to really build trust and get to know one another and create a solid foundation..enjoy life and find sparkles of happiness on the sidewalk of life.

    freindships should be something that slowly but surely with time and getting to know each other...become something to trust. no questions needed, no complicated subtext and doubt.  what u see should be what u get and u shouldn't ever have to doubt that you'll be there for each other and that u'll always be around for life's many joys...and let downs.  =)

    speaking of let downs and friendships...someone who promised to be a friend..should try to be a friend. if the effort cannot even be taken to take the time and energy to just reach out to someone...then u r not a friend. ur too selfish and absorbed in yourself to really understand what it is to be here for other people or to just respect that life should be enjoyed and people cherished and appreciated and valued....i'm letting all untrue people out of my life.  go away. come again...never.  life is too short wasting energy and time trying to understand and accept people who aren't going to make the same effort to get to know u and give a shit about u back.

    so...ask me and i'll tell u...for once...i'm really enjoying the simple things in life and getting to try everything i used to and having so much fun with the idea that there are actually a lot of great people out there...friends, new and kinda old and old...who have and hopefully always will care and be here and can be counted on in time. =)  lucky is the one who has a true friend that doesn't need to be doubted.