My sister graduated yesterday!!! I am so proud of her. I am tired right now, but will definitely be posting a GIANT dedication to her tomorrow.For now, I will share two articles about the one. Married friends and strangers alike that say that they are happily married are rare but precious occurences in our world. I always find myself asking how did you know he/she was the one? That you should marry them? That you could spend the rest of your life with them?They always answer that they just knew. That they just knew.I always marvel at that. How two people can just know that someone is the one they WANT to spend the rest of their lives with and have a family with and adore and work together to be happy with. Now here are two articles that give some insightful cues as to what these people mean when they say they just know.For us who are wondering how you could ever just know such a thing.
Is He the One?
10 Questions to Ask Yourself
Want to know whether your current Mr. Right could be your mate for life? In this excerpt from Is He the One? 101 Questions That Will Lead You to the Truth, Whatever That Is, author Susan Swimmer says the honest answers to a few key questions could help you find out. Here are 10 to get you started:
1. Does he think he's a lucky guy?
You'd like to think that he is a man who understands that life is made
up of part luck and part hard work, and that both elements will affect
him at some point. A man who thinks himself lucky in any way is someone
who radiates gratitude, which in turn creates an aura of joyousness.
And that's all good. But what really matters is that, at the very
least, he is a man who feels wildly fortunate to have you in his life,
because a guy who feels that way will make sure you know you're adored.
And how lucky is that?
2. Are his little faults things you can handle?
Everyone is bugged by something. Does he drink directly from the
carton? Hang sweaty clothes on the bathroom door? Stockpile old
newspapers? Say no more. Ladies, there will always
be habits that could drive you batty enough to head for the door, if
you let them. But accepting someone, little faults and all, is part of
love. You've got to think big picture here: Don't let his habit of
rattling ice in a glass cloud your vision of a man who's caring,
respectful, honest and loving. And that's to say nothing of the fact that you crack your knuckles and leave half-empty coffee cups all over the house.
3. Can you name the parts of you that he finds
most beautiful?
If you know right now,
without asking, that he loves the small of your back, or the way your
belly sort of bulges when you lie on your side, or that your cheeks are
the softest part of your face, then he must have told you more than
once. And that's a beautiful thing.
4. Would he take the last sip of milk for his morning coffee?
Even in a sleep-deprived, late-for-work, barely-able-to-select-a-tie stupor, the man who leaves you
the last splash of milk for your coffee is a man who understands
consideration. If he thinks to take your needs into account when it
comes to all of life's little "I'm thinking of you" gestures, then he
probably knows what they add up to.
5. Can he keep a secret?
Not all secrets are the same, and we all know that. Some are meant to
be told and others are meant to be taken to the grave. That you got
drunk one night might be a secret that gets told in the form of a funny
story. That you have an STD might be one you'd like to take to the
grave. What's most important is that the two of you categorize secrets,
both large and small, in the same way.
6. Do you know how much money
he has?
Not to the penny, but a ballpark figure. And here's the catch: You
should know because the two of you have discussed it openly and
honestly, not because you surreptitiously accessed his computer files
while he was grilling out back.
7. Has he seen you when you're at
your worst?
Worse than no makeup. Beyond bad hair. We're talking about the really
evil side of you that's a brutal cocktail of bitter depression,
stunning irritability and Olympic-level bitchiness. It's the you that nobody should be subjected to. You know the you we're talking about here. Yes, that one. If he's seen that you and he can handle it without calling 911, then he may be a keeper.
8. Does he kiss you firmly?
A listless, uncommitted kiss is like a limp, clammy handshake (nice to meet you, sort of). Even the most gentle, tender kiss needs to feel like it knows where it's going.
9. Does he wear a seatbelt?
Wearing a seatbelt is a tiny gesture that says he cares about himself
and his well-being. Like eating vegetables. Or wearing sunscreen. Takes
a minute, lasts a lifetime.
10. Is he fun?
A fun man is someone who enjoys life. He laughs at jokes, enjoys a good
meal, finds entertainment and dances when the mood strikes. There's a
certain youthful lightness to a man who's fun, because he knows how to
live in the moment
-- he takes a good look at his surroundings, sees the potential, and partakes of the possibilities. Now that sounds like fun.
10 ways to tell if he's the one
IT can happen in the blink of an eye. Attraction. Excitement.
Romance. But for too many Sisters who are searching for Mr. Right (not
Mr. Right Now), the game of love is a crooked road of broken promises
where the coveted jackpot, referred to as "the one," is too late,
long-gone or maybe destined to never show at all.
But there is hope.
"Although there is risk in love, there are also great rewards when
passion and purpose fall within the right embrace," says Dr. Grace
Cornish, author of 7 Spiritual Truths to Recognize and Marry Your Very
Own Soul Mate. So before you jump on the twisted path of romance,
familiarize yourself with the signs you'll encounter along the way, and
recognize which will lead your hopes and heart to the man of your
dreams. The following tips should help you gauge the possibilities and
help you determine if he's "the one":
* He Listens to You. Before your man opens his heart to you, he has
to first open his ears. "Genuine concern manifests itself in listening
to the cares, concerns and issues of your woman," says Anthony Woodson,
president and CEO of BlackLoveForever.com, a matchmaking service that
has resulted in nearly 500 marriages. "A man who wants to be around you
for the long-term will be a good listener when you need him. He will be
a dependable source of guidance and support and will not turn a deaf
ear simply because the problem is too big. If he doesn't know the
solution, he will try his best to find one."
* There is a Natural Ease and Flow. Relationship experts say there is a
natural chemistry that defines your interaction when you meet your
perfect fit. "You don't have to push it, force it, tug it, pull it or
cut the edges to make it fit," says Debrena Jackson Gandy,
international speaker and author of All the Joy You Can Stand. "There
is an undeniable ease and flow to the relationship. You can see it and
others around you can as well."
* You Don't Have to Compromise Who You Are. A person who you have
to change for isn't the person for you. "You should maintain and enjoy
a continued, if not healthier, sense of self when you are with your
partner," says Tandra McMurray, a 30-something Chicago single who has
had her share of "Mr. Wrongs." "He should make you feel good about
being you, while always encouraging you to be better. If a man doesn't
feel good about himself, it will be hard for him to make you feel good
about being you."
* You Trust Him. When you trust your partner, you open your
relationship up to a world of possibilities. Without trust, the
relationship can't grow and is likely to be doomed. "To trust a man is
to believe that he is doing his best and that he wants the best for his
partner," says Jel D. Lewis, relationship expert and columnist. "The
secret to growing in trust is not to expect your man to be perfect."
Maintaining realistic expectations is key to understanding your role
and his.
* He Enriches Your Life. Being in love should have productive
benefits for enhancing your quality of life. "Your Mr. Right should
stretch your imagination and stimulate your desires," says Dr. Grace
Cornish, spiritual psychologist and author of You Deserve Healthy Love
Sis'. "He should, at all times and through all things, look out for
your best interests. He should never compete with you because he knows
what is good for you is good for him. A good man encourages and
supports you professionally, personally and spiritually."
* He'd Be Your Friend Even If He Wasn't Your Man. Too often, we assume
that our partners are our friends, but friendships must be built
slowly, over time and with nurturing. "I don't believe in friends
first, but friends always," says Gandy, creator of the motivational
tape Make Space So Joy Has A Place. "If this person is truly a good fit
for you, then his qualities should be desirable even if you are not in
a relationship. You would still have this person in your life if you
were not in a relationship. That's true friendship."
* He Pampers You. Not to be confused with spoiling, pampering is a
celebration of womanhood, rather than pure indulgence of self. "Through
his words and his actions, he shows you that you are different from any
other woman in his life," says Woodson, whose matchmaking service,
Black Love Forever, has more than 1,500 members. "He demonstrates, on a
daily basis, that you are his queen. He caters to you. He cares for
you. Whether he shampoos your hair, prepares your meal or massages your
feet, he is demonstrating his affection and the privilege that it is to
be in your life."
* Both of You Share Common Ground. Despite your religious
background or affiliation, having a common and unified direction
spiritually, socially, financially and economically creates
cohesiveness. If you cannot agree on fundamental values, it is unlikely
that you will go very far (and if so, not for long). It's not enough to
simply be together. You must be willing and able to grow together.
* You Become a Part of His World. When you meet a man's parents,
his children, his co-workers and his closest friends, you are getting a
true glimpse of who he is, not just who he is when he is around you. A
man who is serious about making you his partner will not only want you
to be a part of his world, he'll create avenues of openness so that you
can enjoy his world, his people and his interests.
* He Sacrifices For You. The right man will consider sacrificing
for you an honor, not a burden. "When he is willing to give you what
belongs to him, even before you ask for it, you know that he is serious
about you," says Woodson. "It's not considered a 'sacrifice' when it's
done with a good heart; it's an investment in the future of two people.
Whether it's time, money or energy, a man will give what he has to the
woman he wants."
Although these tips serve as a good guideline for women who want to
know if he's "the one," Dr. Grace Cornish counsels single women to not
get caught up looking for love in a certain package. "If you think he's
the one, don't write him off just because he's not wearing a certain
suit or driving a certain car," she says. "Get to know who he is and
what his values are. After moving beyond the physical, you can enter
the emotional and spiritual, where you'll find love and opportunity
waiting and smiling back at you."
COPYRIGHT 2005 Johnson Publishing Co.
COPYRIGHT 2005 Gale Group
Anybody else feel the seismic alarm clock go off this morning at 5:24? A 4.7 magnitude earthquake
i worry about pooh so much now. i don't want anything to happen to her. i need her to live forever.
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