March 19, 2007

• c'est la vie

  despite myself...

  i find myself missing you.
  against better judgement i reminisce of a time
  of moments that were nearly perfect...
  images flip through my mind...an album of all the things i had held dear
  tightly grasped to fill in gaps in a fairy tale only i saw

  somehow we existed with a missing element.
  it's funny how so many things are better with rose colored glasses.
  the glasses broke...i need a new pair.

  now i just want to know how to breathe again...normally.
  i want to know that this pain won't last forever...
  some things are not meant to be...letting go of something u believed in is like asking me to kill a beloved child.

  why doesn't the world stop and wait for me to catch up?
  i guess i wanted to know that you would have known me better...but hoping...
  aimlessly hoping and dreaming isn't healthy when there's no footing in reality.
  after so many years and seconds of wishing for you to know the loneliness i've perpetually known..
  the ache in knowing a love could only be reciprocated in theory.
  the care i so longed for...

  the pain in seeing that even now, you still haven't figured out that the only thing i ever wanted was warmth
  a warm touch and soft heart...tender love and care.
  long ago i remember being careless with my heart..
  please handle with care was written in small print on a tag easily discarded.
  now i wish i never trusted with my eyes closed so tightly in hoping.

  but i'm glad...despite the hurt and tears...i am thankful..
  no matter how hurt that you can't even be sensitive enough to call and see how i'm doing and be kinder and more open with your thoughts.
  when you should know me well enough to know i'm drowning...

  regardless...the memories and the dream i held onto for so long will stay with me.
  and i have you to thank for them...and i will cherish them for a lifetime..and my wish now...is for you to find that light to brighten the darkness you live in...and for me to find one that isn't a mirage. and for both of us to be happy...you will always be a part of me...but i have to take better care of myself, mend this broken heart and find a way to feel whole again.

  dear love...please take care and know you will always be loved.
  you mean so much to me...someday...i hope you will come to know that...
  and see us in the way i have for a million years within the crevices of my heart and mind and someday...
  i hope you will be lucky enough to love in that way too.

  i'm glad we'll always be here for each other and be best friends. i'm sure we'll be true friends to each other in the years to come. 

  • 3:50 am
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