Eight ingredients for a lasting relationship
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Andrew N. Williams
Maintaining
a good, wholesome relationship can be difficult. The question of how to
best understand something as complex as human relationships has long
occupied the minds of our greatest poets and philosophers and until
now, this quandary has largely gone unanswered. However, like most deep
questions, the answer can be described in a simple analogy --
psychology has now determined that the secret to forming a lasting
relationship is like baking the perfect loaf of bread.
If
you find this comparison odd you have probably never enjoyed the
sensual pleasure of baking -- of mixing the ingredients and kneading
the dough, of forming the loaf, of seeing the bread rise slowly with
the yeast, of the warm smell as it bakes to perfection.
Sadly,
too many people settle for store bought, mass produced bread.
Tragically, even more settle for equally unappetizing relationships.
You deserve better on both counts! Bread requires flour, yeast, salt,
etc. What does your lasting relationship require?
First and foremost a healthy relationship requires enthusiasm.
Relationships are about growing and exploring. Your partner should be
someone who embraces life and you enthusiastically! A thriving
relationship is one in which both partners continue to explore the
world -- and each other. No one is interested in a stale loaf.
Attractiveness
-- yes, it is shallow. No, you don't have to look like a model.
However, your partner must see something special in you. Would you want
to bake bread with flour contaminated with dirt and bits of bugs? Of
course not. Don't underestimate the natural beauty of a clean face and
good grooming. By all means, highlight your qualities but remember,
your true partner will want to know you.
Successful relationships also rely on the ability to speak and listen. No relationship can succeed over time without first-rate communication
skills. Good, bad or indifferent, feelings and concerns have to be
shared in an open and accepting way. If you feel that you and your
partner can discuss anything -- your needs, hopes, desires, opinions
then you are well on your way to relationship success.
What does it really mean to have good communication skills? The key here is honesty.
Without honesty, what are you communicating? Nothing of lasting worth,
that's certain. And don't just speak. Listen. Listen actively to your
partner, hear what he or she has to say! Partners have to trust what
you tell them and they have to know you believe what they say. Lying
can foul a relationship faster than a rotten egg.
The
difference between a successful, loving relationship and a successful
business partnership often comes down to one essential ingredient -- affection.
Business partners need not show affection for the partnership to be
successful but loving partners sure better! In a successful loving
relationship, each partner must care for one another, physically and
emotionally. You must put your partner's needs first.
While there are often things that partners respectfully disagree about, a healthy relationship relies on compatibility.
Your long-term partner must be compatible with you. It does not matter
how strong you are with the seven other ingredients, you and your
partner must be well-suited for each other. This does not mean you have
to be two peas in a pod. You can have very different views and hobbies,
but you needs must mesh.
The largest portion of compatibility is intelligence.
We all want to be challenged from time to time. We want to be the best
person we can be. It takes intelligence to revel in the intelligence of
your partner. There is no "window dressing" in successful relationships
-- both partners are wholly engaged and needed.
The final ingredient tends to grow with age and experience. It is a biggie -- Acceptance.
Acceptance does not necessarily mean agreement, compliance, or
submission Often it is very different. Anyone can accept someone they
agree with. Only a loving partner can accept the views of someone they
disagree with. Acceptance requires respect and consideration. Now, your
partner may hold one or two views that you will never agree with them
upon, but if you can recognize and tolerate some differences your
relationship will mature.
Without
all of these eight ingredients a relationship will become flat and
tasteless. If you sense that you or your partner is running a little
low on one or another of these ingredients, talk about it sooner rather
than later. These differences do not go away by ignoring them. Like
making bread, a relationship also takes thoughtfulness, timing, and
hard work. Consider the ideas presented in this recipe and enjoy the
earthy delight of needing -- and kneading -- a wonderful relationship,
and having one!
and if the recipe just won't come together...toss the mess and try again, there's only so many adjustments you can make to a recipe gone bad. if you skip something or add too much of something it can all turn out funny...there's always time to try again from scratch or get some takeout if you're feeling lazy till next time.
today i salute all those who care about themselves enough to know when the ingredients just aren't right. that takes courage.
When
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